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Merle

Merle

Orphan Train - Christina Baker Kline **Update: Disclaimer!**

This is my review space, in which I discuss bad writing in recent releases, including but not limited to this one. If you are offended by criticism of bad writing, criticism of this book, people discussing books they have not read in full, or (gasp!) cursing, feel free to scroll on past and write your own review. If people keep posting whiny comments, I reserve the right to add gifs and make it 5 times longer!

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I know better than to request ARCs without a preview. Really, I do.

So I read the first chapter of this, which explains everyone's backstory, personality and motivations. Which, first, show don't tell please, and second, can't we leave something for chapter two? Why would I read on when there's nothing to pique my curiosity?

Also, um, the writing. Check this out: "Black makeup is smeared under her eyes like a football player." Like a football player.... smeared under her eyes?

On the positive side, a preview saved me from ordering another book, beginning with the sentence, "The climb felt almost arduous, the engine juddering and restarting four times during the creaking ascent up." Ascent up, are you fucking kidding me? Also, what's up with this weak-ass "felt almost arduous"? This is the first sentence of a published novel! I mean, it's only like the most important sentence in the entire book!

So, I'd thought getting a job as an editor with a major publishing house was supposed to be difficult, or something. But seriously, ascents up and football players smeared under people's eyes? You can do better than this, publishers. Seriously.